Laughing with my sister who's a Funny Funny Gal
We have the most adorable new kitten (what kitten isn’ t adorable?), and a few nights ago we were talking about having her fixed (which is a ridiculous description because you are actually having the kitten broken)
Anyway, my youngest Fruit Loop, Puzzler, asks what it means.
I offered a brief, non-anatomical explanation, simply saying, it means she can’t have kittens.
After a thoughtful moment,
Puzzler said “Mom, I’m sure glad Dad didn’t want to get you fixed”
10) Know what you are getting…You may see a good paint job, but find nothing but problems under the hood.
9) Take a test drive…the engine may purr like a kitten sitting still, but what happens when you shift gears?
8) Consider the average mpg…Gas is expensive, but if you run out, the fuel injection system is far more costly.
7) Check the tire treads…you never know when the road will get bumpy.
6) Find a mechanic you can trust…there are plenty of folks out there who can offer you quick fix but will it last?
5) Check the Brakes…if there is nothing to stop you once you get going, it could be one dangerous ride
4) Count the Cost…the value will most likely decrease over time
3) Ask for a maintenance record… there are many parts that need to be maintained, and if they aren’t it just won’t run quite right
2) Don’t get too attached…just drive it ’til it dies and then get another one
1) Don’t loose the key… You can pack a bunch of people in, but without the key, you are going nowhere
In life, there are certain things you can count on. Things that don’t change.
For instance,
Campbell’s Soup – the label is the same – easily recognized.
Oreo Cookies – Blue and White Package, same number of cookies.
Eggs - in that handy carton that keeps them from rolling around.
Well, Yesterday, my grocery shopping world turned upside down.
I was cruising through the refrigerator section of Costco, collecting the usual things, eggs, butter, cheese and when I arrived at the milk, to my dismay the Gallon Jug has been redesigned.
I have been pouring milk from the same gallon jug my entire 35+ years on earth. Now all of a sudden someone comes up with a new design, and I have no choice but to conform.
Milk containers as I know them have changed, perhaps forever!
What is a mom to do?
I’ve been doing the mothering thing now, for over a decade, and I kinda started over with Tiny Dancer, so now I get to enjoy every minute even more, because I have dispelled many common myths…
Myth #1 ) If you do every thing right, your baby will sleep through the night at six weeks.
The first time around,I did it by the book, and that dear baby didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months of age.
The second time around I didn’t care if I did any of it right or not, and that dear baby slept through the night at 5 weeks of age.
The third time around I did what I wanted and that dear baby slept through the night I dont’ remember when, because it was important then, but not important at all now.
And so this time around my dear baby sleeps in my bed, and no matter how many times a night she wakes up, we just cuddle and go back to sleep!
Myth # 2 It is not safe to sleep with your baby in bed with you, what if you forget she is there and roll over on her?
The only question you need ask to dispell this myth is… when was the last time you forgot the edge of the bed was there, rolled over, and woke up on the floor?
Myth #3 If you let them play with their food, they will never learn any table manners.
Food, is perhaps the most fun with which baby plays. Baby puts everything in her mouth, and food is the only thing you don’t take back out! Let her play, take lots of pictures, my other 3 learned great table manners when they were able to comprehend that idea, and until then, we had a ton of fun!
For the love of babies, let them spend the night in your bed (or every night in your bed), let them wake up just to hug you, and let them play with their food!
You can catch up on your sleep, you can wipe up the floor, but if you miss those precious moments, you can’t get them back.
My sister told me today that she bought a new face soap and her face is breaking out.
She was questioning whether she should get new face soap, or if this face soap was actually clearing out her pores, and she should stay with it and get all the junk out.
I quickly explained that unless she was willing to quit smoking, drinking and eating junk food, that junk would fill up her pores again and so she might as well just buy some soap that doesn’t do such a good job!
Why do new DVD’s get released on Tuesday?
Where is the unwritten rule, that everyone is following, that says DVD’s shoudl be released on Tuesdays? And who wrote the rule? And how was it so easy to get everyone to follow the rule?
And why do consumers run out on Tuesdays to buy these new releases? Why don’t we wait until Wednesday, or Saturday? Why are we following the rule, and encouraging this idea that Tuesday is the perfect day to release new DVD’s?
And by the way, did anyone buy the first season of Army Wives?
I watched the first episode of season 2, and I am hooked, and I wanted to go buy the first season so that I could get all caught up…
But I am a rebel with a cause, and I am not going to follow the leader and buy new DVD’s on Tuesday.
I am waiting…
Still waiting…
How long do I have to wait?
(to the tune of the Pink Panther theme)
Dead Ant
Dead Ant
Dead Ant
Dead Ant
Dead Ant
Deeeaaaddd Annnnt Deeeaaaad Annnnt
Deadantdeadantdeadant.
There in my kitchen!!!!!! Dead Ants!!!!!
We live in the little house in the big woods, and the ants are BIG!
So we bought ant traps, but they just poison these suckers and then they die somewhere else in my kitchen, usually on the floor, sometimes in the dishwasher.
This morning we came out to the kitchen and my husbando and I began singing Dead Ant (lyrics above) at the same time!!!!
Puzzler explained to me today why you can’t leave Tiny Dancer home alone, and I think his wisdom is worth sharing…
You can’t leave the baby at home alone because
she doesn’t know how to fix her bottle,
she doesn’t know how to go potty,
she doesn’t know how to answer the phone when you call to check on her,
and most importantly…
she doesn’t know where the Neosporin and the Band Aids are!!!
My Fruit Loops are sitting at the table playing chess.
The odd man out always says “I’ll play the winner”
Why?
Why not say “I’ll play the looser”?
If you say you’ll play the looser you have a much better chance of being the next winner.
So why ask to play the winner, when you would likely be the next looser.
My Fruit Loops, Racer, Whistler adn Puzzler are so competitive, I tell them over and over if you don’t want to loose, don’t play!
I would love to put a spin on this competitive nature and teach Tiny Dancer that it is good to loose.
Instead of crowning the winner, we could crown the looser;
Instead of announcing “And the winner is” with the drum roll in the background, we could proclaim “And the looser is…” with great enthusiasm in our voice.
When we explain the object of the game, we could say, “be the last one to the end of the board with the least amount of money”
I wonder how much of the competitive nature is nurture and not nature at all.
I wonder if I could successfully teach Tiny Dancer that loosing is fun!
A simple paradigm shift could swing the pendulum in the opposite direction and we would all be competing to loose!
I have a collection of soap boxes…
For clarification sake, let’s begin with the definition…
Soap Box – a raised platform, originally a wooden box used to carry soap, that one stands on to make an impromptu speech,
Metaphorically speaking one ’stands on a soap box’ while dispelling a somewhat ostenatatious monologue about an issue near and dear to their heart,even if no one elses.
I have such a vast collection of soap boxes on which I like to take opportunity to stand, I could probably line them up and cross the Amazon River at it’s widest point and walk across without getting wet!
Just to name a few,
Soap Box #1 Lying – the act of telling a mistruth
the act of not telling the whole truth
the act of not telling any of the truth to a person whom you know you should tell the whole truth
I have no tolerance for liars!!! If you have nothing to say, Shut Up, if you aren’t willing to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, Shut Up, and if you say “it is okay to not tell someone something I clearly should tell them” Shut Up!! It is not okay to Lie, be who you are, think what you want, say what you think, and if you don’t like who you are, what you think, or what you have to say, then change it before you start spewing lies out of your basket of bull shit!
Soap Box #2 Schlepping – the act of carrying your baby in in the car seat, with your arm fully extended, leaving the baby swinging back and forth at calf height like a bowling bag.
I have no tolerance for schleppers! It’s called a car seat because it is a safe place for the baby to sit in the car. It is not called a carrying case! I admit it is great to have for baby to sit in a top the grocery cart (safely attached ofcourse) or in a restaraunt (secured in the sling, made for holding baby in seat while you eat). But this does not mean that you have to schlep your child from the car to these locations swinging him at your side like a bowling bag!
Soap Box #3 - ‘How are you, I’m fine’ Syndrome – a disease which we all have in which we spontaneously ask ‘how are you’, when we really don’t care, or respond, ‘I’m fine’, when we are one step away from buying a six pack, a pizza and crawling into bed with three movies we know will make us cry!
Why do we ask ’how are you?’ Is it because we really care, want to get involved in someone’s day or problem or life? Or is it just cliche’ to say ‘how are you?’ to imply that we are sensative to the feeelings of another human being when we are really just hoping they will say ‘I’m fine’ so we can a) get on our merry way or b) unload our problems on them.
Why do we say ‘I’m fine’, when we’re not. Is it because today may suck, but we know this too shall pass? Or is it because we know the person asking doesn’t really care, doesn’t really have time, or will mercilessly ridicule us for years to come if we tell them the truth?
Aren’t Soap Boxes great? You can get off them, just as quickly as you got on them, and when ever you want, the soap box is right there to step onto again!
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